The thing with sociopaths...

...is that you feel all the damage they caused.

They feel nothing.

I bet you [a lot] that he barely thinks of me, if at all.

So I get angry that I am still dealing with the aftermath. Almost 5 years later.

And then I pray for God to bring justice to the situation.

In a way, He has, of course. I'm so happy now. I'm living, and I am myself.

He is still a sociopath.

And then I pray for him because I can only imagine how lonely he is.

He'd never admit that. He's way too busy buying everything he can, chasing down the next thing, whether it's technology in some form, another frickin' car or hmm *another wife*

Me? I'm happy as a clam at high tide...despite dealing with his b.s. I am full of God's joy.

Screw It

So...today I realized that so often I feel like I need to explain, defend and/or prove myself because of my past.

I'm going to try to STOP doing that, to stop feeling that pressure.

I made a mistake. Two times. Part of it was my fault. Part of it was not.

BUT... I gave my all. I tried all I could. I followed God when I was scared (though now I'm not sure it was God's voice). THIS I can be proud of: that I didn't let fear from my past stop me from going forward to Virginia.

And then...when it was clear it was going downhill fast, I got the hell out. I left. I need to remember that. I need to focus on that.

...Even MORE so, I need to move on from it. I don't dwell on mistakes I made in Kindergarten, so why am I so wrapped in the mistakes I made more recently? (though it's been almost 10 years...wow. And 5 years for the other one. Again, WOW.)

So...I hope those of you who know me will support me in this. Moving on, forgiving myself, letting it go. Screw it. And if people define me by those mistakes...whatever. Screw it.

Done. But I'll need help...so be with me, pray with me, steer me back on this path when I forget...

*much love*